Thursday, June 28, 2012

Anxiously Awaiting.....

I think, anxiously awaiting is the best way to describe the way I spend my days now, that may even be an understatement. I check our email and Facebook page several times a day looking for new pictures or updates from families visiting their children in Haiti. I did this same thing almost compulsively before we received our referral. I thought it might get better once I saw her face but now I can't seem to look at it often enough. I'm not sure that the compulsion will go away until our sweet Ellie is in my arms, at our house, in our family forever. 

Each month our creche send a brief update on height, weight and a new photo. Today I saw Ellie's monthly update, I knew it was coming this week so I have been extra aware of our email inbox. :) I read the update on height and weight and scrolled quickly to the bottom to see her photo attached. My emotions start, first so happy to see her face, see her growing and doing well. Next alittle sadness because she looks like she has grown so much since her last photo. The more I begin thinking about it, I then begin thinking of the missed opportunity for bedtime hugs and kisses, morning smiles (those were such sweet times for me when my kiddos were little seeing their smiles first thing in the morning). and snuggle time. Missing the making of these memories is going to be tough but I have to move past these thoughts, I know she is in good hands. God has chosen the perfect time for Ellie to enter our lives and home. I must look to Him to fill these empty spots in my heart for our girl. I was reminded this week through devotionals that God goes before me each and every day before I wake, He will not let anything overwhelm me as long as I take everything to Him. I have to give Him Ellie because He GAVE her to us. I will place my complete trust and faith in Him. 

I will continually wait anxiously for many milestones to come: our first trip to meet our girl in August, those post with new pics and monthly updates, emails notifying us that we are one step closer, bringing Ellie to meet her brother and sister for the first time.... but I will do so knowing God is ahead of each one of them. 

So with that the count down begins....41 days until I board a plane to Haiti. And the SMILES begin again because you can't look at this face and not smile.