Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Time to Post

Today seems like a good day to post. I haven't posted in months because I haven't had any news to share.  We are at 6 months waiting.... It saddens me terribly that we are still waiting but I know God has a plan for our beautiful baby girl to join our family at the perfect time. I made the decision to send an email to NLL about a month ago, just to make sure that we hadn't fallen through the cracks since there had been no communication in over 4 months. I told myself I just wanted to hear something from them, that was all, no expectations.

To my surprise I got an email that same day stating they had not forgotten us, we were just waiting for a little girl to be brought to them without siblings and we had one family in front of us. At this point, just hearing from them wasn't enough. Even though that is what I said I wanted, I wanted more. I actually found myself disappointed by the email. I have days/weeks when it is harder to accept than others...this week has been a tough week. Just knowing we may have another two years in the process after we accept our referral, it could be another 6 months before we get our referral.

I wonder sometimes why my flesh is so impatient. I long to see her face, to feel I know something about her...when I pray for her I want to see her face in my mind. I find myself checking my email all day everyday just for the hope that I will have an email telling me we have a child for you. Here I am hoping and praying for a child to find her way to NLL, she could be taken to the creche where she will no longer live with her parents or there is a chance she could be alone wondering the streets. I try to justify that she isn't being cared for the way we could love and care for her. I am convicted that she will have to encounter suffering or a lose to become mine. Which in turn reminds me, Christ encountered suffering for me and I have to lose myself to gain Him. What a beautiful picture of my Savior. "I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me." Galatians 2:20 

I know God loves our precious girl more than I can imagine and His plan is so much better than ours. This is something I constantly have to remind myself of through this entire process. I have been blessed with many moments of realizing God makes everything perfect in His timing. My prayer today is God will give me peace about our wait...YES, I'm so ready to see her face and don't want to wait for another 6 months but willing to wait because it is going to be so much better than I can ever imagine.